The Wonders of Sleep
by FinneganDameron
Summary: Poe has insomnia. The ghosts of the dead come out at night and he finds himself walking the halls, then suddenly he's outside Finn's door, his hand raised to knock. Takes place in the year between Last Jedi and Rise of Skywalker. Poe and Finn go on a mission that changes everything for them. Humor/angst/adventure/romance. Eventual M rating FinnPoe/Stormpilot. Please review!
1. Poe has insomnia

It was like this every night, and it was getting worse. Poe would be lying in his bunk at the new base on Ajan Kloss, in a dark room that was usually fine for his needs. He had space for BB-8 and his few belongings, a bed, a shower. It was all fine. But at night it closed in on him like a collapsing cave.

He was a pilot, at home in a tight cockpit, with only a thin layer of poly between him and the cold vacuum of space. With adrenaline running high, he forgot everything but the thrill of the chase and the beeps of BB-8 and the jolt of the guns as they fired. He never felt more alive than when sitting on one of those rockets, spinning and sliding as he out maneuvered his opponents. In the heat of combat, any strategic thinking went out the window and his mind was taken over strictly with tactics and winning the battle, no matter the costs. It's what made him a brilliant pilot - he takes what he's got and makes instant, instinctual decisions without thinking. He reacts, and his reactions are the quickest in the fleet.

But get him alone at night, confined to a small room with a single bed, the distant sounds of machinery droning in the background, and it's quiet. Much too quiet. Before the Battle of Crait, the resistance had been growing. Hundreds of people roamed the halls, busy with the duties of planning and preparing and bustling with excitement at fighting the First Order. They had bombers and fighter pilots and a whole fleet of ships.

Now almost everyone he fought with was dead. The fleet was down to a single ship, and the whole of the resistance could fit on the Millennium Falcon. In the dead of night, the words of General Organa come back to him, about how his impulsive behavior led to a bunch of dead heroes.

The longer they've been on Ajan Kloss, the more Poe's been crawling out of his skin. He's finding it hard to be alone in his room with nothing but the ghosts of those who died to keep him company, and tonight was no different. He swung his legs over the side of his bunk and put his pants and boots on. He was going to find a drink.

He left his room and heaved a huge sigh as he looked at his wrist watch. It was way past midnight, and he knew from experience that no one would be up in the mess hall. He walked there and looked through the cabinets, not finding anything that he wanted, of course. If he wanted to find something stronger than the strange pinkish juice from the native trees, he was going to have to talk with some people. Unfortunately, his best connection was a bomber co-pilot named Maarta, and she was dead, so he'd been dry for weeks now. He kicked a chair and it flew across the room, then he signed and picked it up again and put it back in its place. He continued to walk the halls until he found himself at Finn's door.

Not for the first time.

His cheek twitched as he stood there, staring at the metal door. His stomach churned in that way it always did when he thought of finding Finn in the middle of the night, which was becoming more and more frequent. He puffed out his cheeks and turned to walk away. It's late, Finn is sleeping, this is stupid.

Fuck it. He turned and knocked on the door.

Poe held his breath, but nothing happened. He put his ear against the door and listened, squinting as he tried to hear movement inside. This is dumb. He should just go back to his room and take something apart. Work on his guns or BB-8 or something to keep his mind off … pretty much everything.

The door opened and Poe jumped back. Finn was in a thin long-sleeved shirt and shorts, a crease on his cheek from sleep. He rubbed his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he said, his voice rough. "Is it Rey?"

"What?" Poe said, then shook his head with annoyance. "No, it's not Rey. Why do you always jump to that conclusion?"

"I dunno," Finn said as he visibly relaxed and scratched the back of his head. "Because she's always running off and getting into trouble?"

"Well, so do I," Poe grumbled, and Finn tilted his head slightly and looked at him a little more closely, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Ok, then … uh, what's going on?"

This was a mistake. Finn had been sleeping. Someone should get some sleep around here. Poe put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Sorry to wake you, Finn, it's … not important." He flashed him what he hoped was a classic cocky-Poe smile as he took a step back and pointed his thumb down the hallway back towards his room. "I'll just catch you sometime tomorrow…."

But something else must have been playing on his face as well because Finn stepped out of his dark room and put his hand on Poe's shoulder. Poe dropped his hand, his whole body swaying a little at the contact.

"You want to come in?" he said, dipping his head down a little to look into Poe's eyes. His face was calm and serious, his eyes focused and searching. Poe could never say no to Finn. Didn't want to. Despite his best efforts to push it all back down and leave, he nodded.

Finn stepped aside and held the door open as Poe stepped in. The room was dark, with a faint blue light in the corner and a red one in the kitchen. Like most of the rooms at the base, the apartment had a small living room and kitchen, a tiny bedroom and a toilet, that was it. Finn had managed to find a couch and a table, and a smaller stuffed chair sat opposite. Finn closed the door.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen and opened a small refrigerator. "I have a few bottles of ale that I've been hanging on to."

"How did you - ?" Poe asked, amazed that Finn, who has only been with the resistance for a few months, could put his hands on bottles of beer in a place like this.

Finn shrugged. "People just give me things," he said with an easy smile as he pulled out two brown bottles, set them on the short counter and closed the fridge. He popped the tops and handed one to Poe, who just shook his head again.

"I've been looking for something harder to drink than pinkjuice for weeks now," Poe said and took a long draft.

Finn walked over the couch, sat down and took a sip of his beer, raising his eyebrows and looking at the bottle with appreciation. "You know, I didn't even know what beer was until a few months ago. The stormtrooper program didn't allow alcohol."

"I forget sometimes that you were raised on a Star Destroyer," Poe said and took another drink from his beer. He went to sit on the couch next to Finn but then paused. It was a small couch and he would be sitting right next to Finn, legs and arms touching. Was that too intimate? He didn't want to overstep his bounds. Poe had become acutely aware in recent weeks that he tended to get way up into Finn's personal space and it was making him weirdly self-conscious. He went to the overstuffed chair instead and sat down.

Finn stared at him from the other side of the low table, the side of his face glowing blue from the light in the corner. Finn hadn't bothered to put on any other lights and Poe was grateful. In the low light, it was easier to drop some of the bravado and mania that filled his days and remember why he was here. As the silence filled the room, he realized that Finn was waiting for him to say something.

But what could he say? That the dead from his fucked up decisions in the past several months were beginning to haunt his room and he couldn't sleep there any more? That he has actually spent more nights out on the benches in central command than he cared to admit? That he was beginning to think that he was more of a liability than an asset to the resistance? That he has found himself wanting to knock on Finn's door a dozen times in the last few weeks but has always turned away?

Finn leaned forward, with his elbows on his knees, his bottle held loose in his hand, and an unsettling look of concern in his dark eyes. "Are you going to tell me why you're here in the middle of the night? Not that I'm complaining…." He smiled, and Poe let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Fuck it, he thought again. He might as well just lay it out.

"I couldn't sleep," he said simply, shrugging his shoulders. Was that really so hard?

Finn nodded his head as if considering. "Yeah, I get that. I've been having a hard time too. It's so quiet here."

"Right?" Poe said, leaning forward a little. "I just… there were more of us, and now…."

"... there are so few."

"Right," Poe said and slumped back into his chair, taking another long drink. He was almost finished with his bottle already. He should have savored it more. "Before… well, before, there were so many of us, and I'm having a hard time with…." Ok, yes, this is hard. This is very hard. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

"You miss them," Finn's quiet voice rumbled.

Poe groaned. "It's more than that, Finn. A lot of those people aren't here because of me."

"Hey, you can't think of it that way. Poe. Look at me."

Poe reluctantly opened his eyes and looked at Finn. His friend's face had a look of determination that he's seen many times.

"I get it. I do. Even though I never really had friends in the First Order, they were still people I knew. And … well, I've killed a lot of them since I escaped. Some of them I didn't like very much, but still. Sometimes I start to think about it and I begin to feel guilty, because they didn't have any more of a choice than I did. They were all kidnapped as kids and fed all this propaganda bullshit, and most of them have never even thought anything different. It's dangerous to think anything other than what your commanders are telling you. So they were as much of a victim in all of this as anyone, but I gleefully shot them down anyway. From the moment I got into that TIE fighter with you, I didn't think twice about killing anyone who got in our way. But if I let myself think about that too much, I'll just shut down. It makes me want to leave, to get on the next transport that will take me and escape to the outer rim, find some cantina on some shithole planet and clean floors or pour beer and try to forget about it."

He reached out and touched Poe's knee, making him jump involuntarily.

"But if I did that, then everyone who has died, all of these people who have put their lives on the line, people like you, who smuggled me out without a second thought, who risked their lives for someone they didn't even know - all of that will have been for nothing."

Poe took in another deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew that Finn was right, that this is just part of war. Good people die, and pilots die faster than anyone. Someday it will be him, and in some ways, the thought is almost a relief.

Finn tapped him on the knee. "Let me get you another beer."

"No, I'll get it." Poe stood up and walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge. Four more bottles were on the shelf, along with a few unopened blocks of standard brown food stuff. He grabbed two bottles and closed the door.

"I just think that I should have been better," he said as he opened the bottles. This time when he came over, he sat next to Finn and handed him a second bottle. "Not so cocky, not so reckless. The general was right. I need to get my head out of my cockpit and follow orders."

"Now where's the fun in that," Finn said with a smile and elbowed him in the ribs. They both took a drink and settled onto the couch. The heat of Finn's body radiated against his leg and arm, bleeding through his clothes in a long line from shoulder to calf, and Poe couldn't remember the last time he had sat alone with someone like this. He allowed himself to relax, consciously slowing his breathing and just being present. His head fell back against the back of the couch and he heard Finn take another pull from his beer.

"Tell me about how you grew up," Poe said into the darkness, and Finn settled in further. He began to talk, tell stories of his earliest memories, how he had been taken from his family, how he didn't remember anything outside of the First Order. He told of the coldness of his childhood, how he cried in his bunk at night, but never during the day. Never where anyone could see him. He knew the other kids did too, but emotions other than aggression or anger weren't tolerated. He eventually made a few friends - he mentioned members of his fire team, Zeroes and Nines and Slip, with a quiet affection - but even though they were true friends and he was glad to know them, he was constantly getting reprimanded for helping them or showing weakness or affection.

Finn's stories were desperately lonely, but he spoke softly as he described how he grew increasingly disillusioned with the First Order. Poe turned to watch Finn as he spoke - his head tilted back against the couch, his eyes closed, the red and blue of the room making him ethereal and ghostly. Poe hadn't really thought about it before, but Finn was so lighthearted in nature, so optimistic and enthusiastic, with an unerring sense of right and wrong, and yet the stories of his childhood were the opposite. How could someone as vibrant as Finn survive in such an environment and come out sane?

"You really are remarkable," Poe said as Finn took a breath while telling him about the drudgery of his job in sanitation. Finn opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Um, thanks?"

"I mean, there aren't many people who made it out of there. I've only heard of maybe one or two other stormtroopers who defected. It's pretty remarkable. _You're_ pretty remarkable."

Finn looked at him with his mouth slightly open, then a huge goofy grin lit up his face in the dim light. "You say the nicest things." And he hugged him - a strong, real embrace that rocked them both as Poe reached his arms around and hugged him back.

"See, I got to meet people like you, and if you hadn't joined the resistance and got captured and broke me out of there, I never would have gotten to know you." Finn pulled back, his hand on Poe's shoulder. "Thanks for your service, Poe Dameron. I'm glad you don't follow orders very well." He lifted his beer as if to toast, and Poe laughed and clinked their bottles together. Finn leaned back into the couch and put his bare feet up on the table, and Poe took a drink from his beer and settled in next to him.

Finn continued his story about working in sanitation and then asked Poe about his childhood. As Poe spoke of growing up dusty and hungry, the child of two rebel alliance fighters, always on the run from one place to another, he felt Finn's head rest on his shoulder. He only paused for a second before continuing. He talked about his parents and realized that even though his childhood had many challenges and losses, at least he had two parents whom he loved and who loved him back. His heart grew heavy with the thought of a young Finn growing up without that love. He missed his parents, and he told Finn so. He wished they were still with him to tell him what to do and how to be. In many ways, Leia had always been like a mother to him, which was why her words usually made their way through his thick skull eventually, even if it was days or months later.

He paused in speaking and looked down at Finn. Finn's face was absolutely relaxed and his eyes moved beneath his eyelids as he slipped into a dream. His face was so close and unguarded, and Poe took his time to study his friend, the full roundness of his eyes, his lips, his cheeks. He seemed so young, and he was. More than 10 years younger, and so much less experienced with the world. His youthfulness went deeper than just his face. He was buoyant, luminous, vibrant. Poe felt old and dirty and scarred in comparison.

Poe put his head back and felt the heavy weight of Finn's head on his shoulder. He finished his beer and then set the bottle gently on the floor. He sat there listening to Finn's deep, steady breaths for a long time, letting the rhythm of it lull him deeper and deeper. 

* * *

Poe woke with a jerk. He had a crick in his neck and he groaned as he pulled his head up, his hand going to the back of his neck.

"Oh, I fell asleep," Finn said as he sat up and wiped his mouth. "Uh, sorry, I might have drooled on you."

Poe stood up and stretched. He groaned at the pins and needles in his legs. Finn was blinking heavily, and Poe held out his hand and helped him up. They stood there for a second and then Poe gave him a hug.

"Thanks for answering the door," he said and stepped back.

Finn rubbed his eyes and smiled. "Hey, wake me up any time."

Poe patted him on the shoulder then opened the door and stepped out into the bright hallway. He heard the door click behind him as he shuffled to his room and went inside. As he dropped into his bed, toeing off his shoes, he thought to himself, well, that was nice. I'll have to do that again sometime.

And Poe Dameron slipped into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Poe loves the Millenium Falcon

Yeah, this wasn't going to work.

Poe was just pissed. All the time. It wasn't at anything in particular, which he knew was a lie but whatever. He's not going to think about it. It's his specialty. Not thinking about it.

He's pissed at this stupid wrench, which slips and doesn't seem to ever fit whatever he's working on. He hates all this outdated equipment in this stupid base, which never has what he needs. It's got about 30 thousand obsolete parts to ships they don't have. It's got plenty of computers, all of which have viruses that the First Order can crack the second they connect off planet. They've got more than enough of these disgusting brown bars of whatever-this-shit-food-stuff-is.

And there's no fucking alcohol. Like, none. It's getting to be a problem for him.

"I need to get off planet," Poe said without even a hello. General Organa was quietly talking with Commander D'Acy as they looked over galactic maps, and she turned to him with her lips stuck out in that displeased expression she seemed to save just for Poe. He winced involuntarily, then stood taller and put his hands on his hips as if to emphasize that he meant it. As if that would work.

"Is that right," she said. She grabbed one of the maps and headed to a larger table. "And why is that?"

"We need parts. We need ships for those parts. We need pilots for those ships. And it might be nice to have some working computers and communications equipment so we're not completely blind. How long can you keep us grounded? We've made a dozen surveillance passes, and no one is looking for us here. It's time to get back into it. It's been almost two months."

"Humph," she said and turned to face him. Poe was not a huge man, but Leia Organa was tiny compared to him, or anyone else, really. And yet when she stood in front of him face-to-face, he always felt like a little kid. Impulsive, naughty, like he should be grounded, in more ways than one. He winced again and looked away.

That was a mistake. He hadn't noticed Finn and Rose in the corner of the command center, rewiring a communications relay for the Falcon. Rose laughed at something Finn said as she looked up at him, her eyes sparkling. Poe grit his teeth and looked back at Leia, who was now watching him appraisingly. She noticed too damn much, and he considered just turning and walking away.

He really needed to get off this fucking planet.

"Well, I figured you would be the first to volunteer to start making runs once we finished upgrading the Falcon," the general said with a wry look in her eyes. "But you and I are going to have some understandings first."

Poe nodded his head. "Whatever you want. I'll do it."

"Uh huh," she said, a dubious look on her face. "And what happens when I tell you that you have to be discreet? What happens when you disagree with my priorities? Are you going to run around half cocked and get yourself killed and our only good ship shot up?"

Poe took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders. He knew he was going to have to prove himself again before she would trust him with any important missions. He dropped the impatience and sobered his face. This was more important than whatever tantrum he was having. "I'll follow through with the mission and I won't take any extra risks unless I absolutely have to. I'll get the Falcon back safe."

"Uh huh," she said again, but this time she seemed somewhat mollified but whatever she saw in his face. Or maybe she was reading his mind in her weirding way. He hated that he wasn't sure.

She cocked her head towards the map and pointed to a system not far from Ajan Kloss. "There's a small trading outpost in the Lissian System, and I need you to connect with an old friend. I have a package for you to deliver to her, and then you need to come straight back here with whatever she gives you."

"That's it? So this is a mail run?"

"A very important mail run, Commander Dameron. You need to fly in and out with as little notice as possible. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said and sighed. "When do you want me to leave?"

"Tomorrow morning. And Poe? You're taking Finn, Rose and Chewbacca with you."

Poe fought every impulse to look to the corner of the room or show any emotion at all. Except maybe annoyance. Some things he just can't help.

"All I need is a co-pilot. There's no reason to risk anyone else -"

"Poe," General Organa warned with a sharp, challenging look. Poe sighed.

"Yes, ma'am."

Leia's face softened a little, and she reached out and grabbed his arm gently. "Figure it out. We're a team, and a small one at that. Whatever is going on, Poe, figure it out." She patted him on the arm and turned back to her map, dismissing him and any further objections he might make. Poe turned and walked to the corner where Finn and Rose were working. As he approached, Finn looked up and smiled. He was about to say something when Poe cut him off.

"You two are coming with me in the Falcon on a mail run tomorrow morning. I want us up by sunrise." Finn's face fell slightly at the abrupt tone, but Poe didn't care. He left the command center before either one of them could say anything. 

* * *

Poe was in the cockpit checking all the systems long before dawn. He hadn't even tried to sleep that night. He just put on his flight suit, grabbed his pack, loaded up the smallish box that Leia had given him, and tried to get comfortable in the pilot's seat for a few hours. But now the sky was turning from black to a dull grey. He rubbed his eyes, grumbled, and hit the control panel above the co-pilot's seat. That red light was going to drive him nuts. He thought Rose had fixed that.

"I just fixed that, stop hitting it," Rose said as she walked in and took out her screwdriver. "You can't just bully this ship into working for you, Poe. She needs a gentle touch."

"Well if you'd fix it right the first time, I wouldn't have to teach it who's boss."

"What did you do?" Chewbacca growled as he ducked his head in. "Are you hurting my ship again?"

"Too many bosses in this kitchen," Poe grumbled and continued going through his check list. Rose had the panel off, the light fixed, and everything put back in place in about 30 seconds. She pointed the screwdriver at Poe. "I love you, you know I do, but if you don't stop throwing things around I'm gonna thrash you."

Poe rolled his eyes and glared at her, but she just kissed his cheek and slipped around Chewie as she left the cockpit. Chewbacca sat in his chair and began to go through all the same checks Poe just finished. Poe finally realized he needed to chill the fuck out when he started to get annoyed with Chewbacca. That never worked in his favor.

He flipped on the intercom. "Did Finn and BB-8 make it aboard?" He heard BB-8 beeping cheerfully behind him and he turned and smiled. "Hey, buddy." His smile faltered slightly when Finn peeked in behind the droid.

"Where have you been? Did you spend the night on the Falcon?" Finn's tone was sharp and his face annoyed and worried, which just pissed Poe off more.

"I couldn't sleep," Poe mumbled and busied himself with starting up the ship. He heard a heavy sigh behind him, but he ignored it. "Better get buckled up. We're heading out," he said into the ship's intercom, and he heard Finn take a seat behind him and BB-8 roll away towards his station. Poe fired up the ignition sequence and handed Chewbacca the Lissian System coordinates. Then they lifted off the ground and headed up just as the sun peeked golden over the horizon.

Poe Dameron loved flying the Millennium Falcon. It flew like no other ship in the galaxy, and he should know, he's flown hundreds of vessels. The Falcon had been so modified and tricked out that he was constantly learning its special tricks. Its hyperdrive was twice as fast as almost any other ship, and it could thrust with bursts of speed that never failed to take Poe's breath away. Its bulk was deceptively maneuverable. It had the toughest hull and strongest shields he's ever seen on a ship this size, and it slipped and busted its way through almost any obstacle while ships much smaller crashed and burned behind it. While X-wing fighters were all fighting power and maneuverability, the Falcon was a tank with a punch that couldn't be beat. Every time he flew the ship, even if it was for a short run, his heart beat faster and he landed feeling better than when he set out. It was almost as much of a feeling of love has he'd ever felt for anything.

Well. Almost.

They made it into orbit and punched into hyperdrive. The light outside the ship streamed into blue and white as it swirled around them.

"Want to play dejarik?" Chewbacca leaned over and grunted.

"I dunno, Chewie -" "Dude, you always win -" Poe and Finn said together and Poe shook his head.

"Maybe if we both play him together, we might beat him," Finn poked his head between them, his face turned close to Poe's. Gods, why was it so hard to say no to Finn?

"Fine," Poe said and tried to beat down the smile that was betraying his face.

They went to the middle of the ship and turned on the holochess board. Chewbacca sat on one side of the bench and Finn on the other. Poe positioned himself right in the middle. With plenty of space between them.

They started the game, and for the first several moves Finn and Poe easily agreed what to do. But then Chewie made a move that surprised them, and Poe rubbed his chin.

"Hey, do you think -?" Finn started and then looked at Chewbacca suspiciously. He reached over and tugged on Poe's flight suit. "Come over here," he stage whispered and tugged harder. Poe reluctantly slid over so they could put their heads together.

"Do you think he's trying the Gerglaa Maneuver?"

"The what?"

"You know, where he orbits the monnok over to the ghhhk and then attacks the ng'ok?"

Poe just shrugged, bewildered, and Finn moved the ng'ok. As they sat there waiting for Chewbacca to take his turn, Finn mumbled quietly, "I went looking for you last night."

Poe slid his eyes sideways briefly then back to the board. "Why?"

Finn shrugged. "You just seem … off. These past couple of days."

Poe glanced up at Chewbacca, who had his hand to his chin and appeared to be studiously considering the board. Poe knew better - that blue-eyed bastard had excellent hearing.

"Maybe we can talk about it later," Poe said quietly. Finn didn't respond for a moment, and then turned his face to Poe and looked at him with challenging eyes.

"Count on it," Finn said flatly.

Great. Now he was going to have to talk about it.

They finished the game soon thereafter - it turned out to be very short because Chewie was, in fact, using the Gerglaa Maneuver, but from the other side of the board, using the k'lor'lsug - and Finn stood up. "Can I talk with you, please?" he said to Poe and headed back to the crew quarters and galley. Poe sighed and stood to follow.

They passed Rose, who was working in the circuitry bay and looked up at them and smiled as they walked by. Poe just sighed again - this was becoming a habit - and continued to follow Finn's stiff shoulders through the passage to the back of the ship.

"So what's going on?" Finn leaned up against the counter and crossed his arms. "How come you've been so pissy these past few days? You're busting everyone's balls all the time and it's starting to get annoying."

Poe rubbed his face and felt the fatigue behind his eyes. He's so tired of being tired.

"I'm sorry, Finn, buddy, I know," he said, and he really was sorry. He knew he was acting like an asshole, but he couldn't help it. It was like there was a big gaping hole inside him and he kept falling into it. A big, rocky, sharp hole that filled with sand and drowned him.

Fuck, he can be a drama queen sometimes.

"I'm just really tired."

"I know," Finn said and moved over to him. "I told you you could come by any time, but that was a week ago. I kind of expected you to take me up on it."

"Look, I can't just come running to your room every time I get scared of the dark," Poe said with more venom than he meant. "It's not really a long-term solution, is it? I just need to get back into the fight and I'll be fine."

"Why not?" Finn said and Poe hesitated.

"Why not what?"

"Why can't you come over every time you can't sleep?"

Poe just looked at him like he was a lunatic. Maybe he was. "Finn, you've got better things to do than babysit me. This is just crazy."

"No, I don't."

This made Poe step back and look at Finn more carefully. Finn was leaning forward, his face earnest and open and he was looking at Poe with that stubborn, determined look that was Finn every time he was faced with a challenge. "I don't have anything better to do than to support my friends. In fact, that's all I've got, Poe. You and Rey and Rose and Chewie and Leia - it's you guys. If I can help you, and you need it, but you won't let me, then what are we doing here?"

Poe just took a deep breath as he put his head back, his hands in his hair. It was right there, in his throat, that question that he wanted to ask, but it was just a little too close to some kind of admission. It was right snuggled up against it in fact, and he didn't want to go there. Gods dammit.

"Don't you, you know," he started and then looked back at Finn again. "Don't you sometimes want ... other company?" He tipped his head towards the hall and raised his eyebrows.

Finn leaned back, his face open as if he suddenly realized what Poe was worried about. "Oh," he said and looked down the hall then back to Poe. "Oh," he said again, this time like he was figuring something out. "Uh, no. I don't have … um, any other company, no."

"Huh." This was not the answer Poe had expected. He had for-sure, absolutely thought that there was something going on with Finn and Rose. Or maybe with Finn and Rey. Or sometimes, he thought when it was very late at night, maybe with all three of them. But the look on Finn's face seemed to indicate that he was mistaken. "I, uh…." He sat down on one of the bunks. He suddenly felt very, very tired. Finn sat down on the bunk opposite and sighed.

"Listen, I meant it when I said you can come over anytime. When I went looking for you last night, I knocked on your door then walked all over the base then back and knocked again. I really just wanted you to know that you can come talk to me. Any time."

"Oh. Ok." Poe felt the artificial gravity and his lack of sleep finally get the better of him. It was like a spike in his gut had been removed and the relief made him realize how exhausted he was. He was such an idiot.

He laid back against the bunk and stared up at the top of the small cubby. Finn got up and grabbed one of the thin wool blankets and laid it over Poe. He squeezed Poe's arms gently and actually tucked in the corners, which made Poe grunt indignantly. Finn then turned down the yellow light and the bluish night light came on. He sat on the other bunk and turned on a reading lamp, then reached for one of the books on the shelf under the bunk. He opened it to the first page.

"You don't mind if I read for a bit, do you? Isn't it going to be a couple of hours before we get there?"

A lump formed in Poe's throat and he didn't trust himself to talk. He turned on his side and watched Finn get comfortable on the other bunk and then look at Poe expectantly. Finn's eyes were gentle and relaxed, but there was also something different in them, something Poe hadn't noticed before. Or maybe it hadn't been there before. It was both mesmerizing and terrifying. He nodded, and Finn went back to his book, a soft smile on his lips.

Poe fell asleep watching his best friend read some trashy novel that looked like it had traveled on this ship for the past 42 years. If a tear slipped out accidentally, Poe would never admit it.


	3. Poe's best night ever

"We're here."

Poe was shaken gently and he bolted straight up in bed. It took him a moment to remember where he was - he had been in a deep sleep, dreamless, and it felt like he could have slept forever. He rubbed his eyes and the world came back to him. He was with Finn, on the Falcon, and Finn was raising the lights and putting away the blanket.

"Sorry to wake you," he said with a smile and brushed Poe's hair out of his eyes. "I know you needed the sleep, but we're about to drop out of hyperspace." Finn ran his thumb over Poe's eyebrow as if to smooth it down and Poe swallowed. "You ready?" Finn asked as he stood up and put his hands on his hips. Poe just sort of nodded dumbly and got out of the bunk.

They walked to the cockpit where Chewie was getting prepped. Rose and Finn sat behind them as they dropped out of hyperspace and into orbit around a brown and blue planet.

"So what are we doing here again?" Rose asked as she peered over Chewie's shoulder.

"The general was pretty vague on who we're meeting and why," Poe answered as he dipped down into the upper atmosphere. "But she was specific about our flight plan. We'll fly in low and park the Falcon under cover, then we have a bit of a hike to our destination."

As they approached the surface, they realized it was a landmass covered with huge blue forests. Poe guided them towards the coordinates, staying right above the trees, and they slowed and lowered into a small opening, just large enough for the Falcon. He slipped them forward between two enormous trees, and as they set the ship down and turned off the engines, they all sat in the cockpit looking through the windows. It was very quiet.

The trees were as big as buildings, with trunks the size of the Falcon and a canopy as tall as a skyscraper. Some sort of fronded fern grew as tall as Chewbacca in the undergrowth.

"Why are all the plants blue?" Rose asked.

"Because Lissian is blue," Chewbacca answered, which didn't make much sense to Poe because the Lissian sun didn't look blue, it looked white like most stars, but Chewie was smarter than him, so whatever.

"There's a trail," Finn said right next to Poe's ear as he pointed off to the left. Sure enough, a trail started between two tall ferns and disappeared into the woods.

"Ok, let's load up and head out."

As everyone retrieved their bags, Poe handed Finn a blaster and a pair of binoculars - "just in case" - and they headed out onto the trail, closing up the ship tight behind them. BB-8 beeped her worry about leaving the ship unattended.

"She'll be fine," he said and patted the droid on its dome. "She's been left in worse places." BB-8 didn't seem comforted, but she rolled along behind them anyway.

They soon found themselves on a trail through lush undergrowth that was dense and enormous. Just the undergrowth was as tall as many forests Poe had been in, and the fiddleheads on the ferns were as large as their packs. At first, they were all on guard with weapons drawn, waiting for a monster to jump out or drop out of the trees or spring up out of the ground. New planets almost always came with something weird and hostile that wanted to eat you.

But as they traveled up the trail, they became distracted by the huge green and orange mushrooms and the blue moss that hung like carpets from the trees. The forest was quiet, with occasional calls from something that sounded like birds. They spotted a small, six-armed, monkey-like thing with yellow fur and huge brown eyes. It stopped on a branch and stared at them for a few seconds before swinging away again. Rose squeed. "No, you can't have one," Poe said with a smile, and they continued on.

Eventually Finn put his blaster away and just looked around with his eyes wide. Poe wondered if the former stormtrooper had ever had the opportunity to walk through a forest like this.

"Wanna play Either Or?" Rose said from where she was walking behind Poe. Poe groaned, Chewbacca said "I'm in," and Finn asked, "What's Either Or?"

"It's a dumb game that kids play in hyperspace," Poe answered and sent a glare back at Rose.

"I thought that little nap would make you feel better, Poe Poe," she retorted. "If you keep that up, your face will get stuck that way."

"Who goes first?" Chewbacca said as he continued to scan the forest with is bowcaster ready. Poe supposed that you don't live to be 250 years old in this business without constant vigilance. Poe followed suit and continued to watch the forest.

"I will," Rose said. "Hey, Finn - Blaster or Lightsaber?

Finn smiled and instantly got it. "Oh. Ok. Well, I've been shooting blasters since I could walk, pretty much, and I was better at it than almost anyone else in my platoon -"

"Well, that's not hard, have you seen how they shoot?" Poe interrupted, but Finn just ignored him.

"- but oh my stars, a lightsaber is the coolest thing I've ever had in my hands. It's so powerful and amazing, the way it hums, the way it feels. From the first time I wrapped my hands around the shaft, it just felt right, and…."

Finn looked up from the trail at Poe's sharp and strangled laugh, saw the look on his face, and instantly looked embarrassed. "I mean, you know what I mean. It's just cool. Dammit, Poe Dameron, get your mind out of the trash." Poe just held up his hands in surrender and sent Finn a wink. Finn had the good grace to continue to look embarrassed, even as he smiled a bit lopsided. Maybe this game wasn't so bad.

"Rose," Chewbacca barked. "Rey or Poe?"

"Hey," Poe objected.

Rose blushed and then smiled shyly. "Well, Rey. Obviously."

"Oh yeah?" Poe sucked in his lower lip and nodded to her, his eyebrows raised in a salacious invitation for her to go on. This sounded interesting.

"You are such a wampa," she sighed as she looked at him. "Rey's been really good to me. Especially after my sister died. I'd never slept without Paige, and Rey let me move in with her. She didn't have to do that."

Poe sobered immediately and turned back to the trail. It's been months, but he still hasn't summoned up the courage to talk with Rose about that because he feels like it was his fault. Paige Tico didn't have to die, and if it wasn't for Poe's complete disregard for the general's orders, Rose's sister would still be alive. He didn't know if he would ever be ready to talk with Rose about that.

"Finn, same question," Chewie grunted.

"Rey," Finn said immediately and threw a mushroom at Poe. "Obviously."

"What is this? Pick On Poe Day?"

Chewbacca just chuckled. "Me too," he said to Finn.

"You people are the worst," Poe grumbled and wished he had something to shoot.

"Ok, you big baby," Rose said teasingly. "Hey Poe, X-Wing or Millennium Falcon?"

"Well, it depends on what I'm trying to do. If I'm going to slip inside a big ship and blow shit up like the amazing pilot that I am, the best in the galaxy, I'll have you know, then an X-wing. If I want to get stuck in space without a functioning hyperdrive and every TIE fighter in the First Order all up in my ass, then the Falcon." Wow, he really was cranky. Chewbacca growled a warning.

"Sorry, Chewie, he just needs more sleep," Finn said as they rounded a huge tree and came to the edge of a clearing. Poe crouched down and put his hands out to slow his friends behind him. Finn walked up beside him and crouched down. "Maybe we can work on that later," Finn mumbled quietly as he crouched close to Poe and pulled out his binoculars. Poe threw him a quick glance and then pulled out his own binoculars.

The were on a small ledge, and the trail continued down a steep, rocky slope on the left. The binoculars blipped and buzzed as he scoped the trail where it re-entered the forest down below.

"Someone's on the next ridge," Finn said and pointed. Up above the forest across from them, Poe spotted it - a person with their own binoculars, sitting on a large, furry mount, looking back at them. "What are they riding?" Finn asked.

"Let me see," Rose said excitedly and grabbed Finn's binoculars. "Oh, wow, that's a tauntaun. I have always wanted to see one of those in person!"

"I thought those were only on ice planets like Hoth," Poe said as he studied the rider and mount. The tauntaun didn't look like what he had imagined. It was short-haired and reddish brown, with long, straight horns. He couldn't tell anything about the rider other than it was humanoid.

"There are all kinds of tauntauns, some of them are good for cold climates, but a lot of them do really well in forests like this," she said with awe in her voice, handing the binoculars back to Finn. "I would love to see one up close."

Finn grabbed the binoculars again and watched the rider. After a moment, he stood up as if pulled.

"She wants us to follow her," he said, his voice quiet and distant, but filled with certainty.

Poe had heard Finn's voice take that ethereal tone before, and it always made him feel a little strange and uncomfortable, like Finn could see things that he couldn't. Poe had never asked about it and was a little afraid to, partially because he wouldn't know what to think if Finn were like Rey, even a little. Unbidden, visions of Kylo Ren - his hand outstretched as he violently ripped secrets from Poe's mind - flashed before him, and Poe felt his heart beat harder and his head pound.

Finn would never do that, he reminded himself sharply. Rey would never do that. Finn's hand reached down and rested on Poe's shoulder gently, a reassuring weight as they watched through the binoculars. Poe took a deep breath.

The person on the tauntaun put down their binoculars and took off their helmet. Long red hair flowed down around the face of a young woman. She raised a hand in their direction as in greeting, and then turned and disappeared behind the ridge.

"Huh," Poe said, putting his binoculars down. He tried to shake the strange feeling from him, but he still felt wary. "She looked friendly enough."

Finn didn't wait or say another word. He just turned and walked down the trail, taking the lead at a fast pace. Poe sighed and they all followed.

They didn't talk as they walked down the rocky hillside and back into the forest. Despite Finn's "feelings" about this woman, Poe still pulled out his blaster. Just in case. Once they were back in the forest, they began climbing switchbacks uphill again, ducking around branches and jumping over small streams. Chewbacca put his bowcaster on his back to pick up BB-8, who beeped and snuggled into Chewie's arms in appreciation. It didn't take long for them to reach the other ridge. As they topped it, they stopped and looked at a wide, open valley surrounded by tall forest. Rose gasped.

Long fields lined with tall, white fences stretched all around a small complex of rounded houses, barns, and outbuildings. The fields held dozens of tauntauns of all colors - blacks with white spots, browns with long black tufts on their heads, silvery greys with sleek muscles. The woman with the red hair was in an open courtyard in the center of the complex, and three more people were coming out to meet her. The young woman turned and pointed to the party on the hill.

"This must be the place," Poe said and Chewbacca howled in agreement as he set BB-8 onto the ground. Finn continued to take the lead as they walked down a wide path and towards the gathering in the courtyard. Poe watched the area, looking for some sort of ambush, but as far as he could tell, this was a simple tauntaun farm out in the middle of nowhere.

As they approached, an old, white-haired woman in long silver robes walked towards them, her arms outstretched. "Chewbacca!" she cried, and after a moment, Chewie howled back and broke into a trot. He embraced the woman as the rest of them approached, and as Chewbacca drew back, Poe recognized her.

"Senator Mothma?" he said in amazement. For before him stood Senator Mon Mothma, hero of the revolution, leader of the republic, and a legend among the resistance. She was also supposed to be dead.

He reached out his hand and she took it. "Yes, yes. The rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated," she said with a wry smile.

"This is amazing," Rose said when it was her turn to shake the woman's hand vigorously. "My parents used to talk about you all the time. We all watched your final speech as Chancellor, when you warned everyone about how we needed to work together and not repeat the failures of our past. I'm just so… oh my goodness, wow."

Senator Mothma turned to Finn and extended her hand. Finn seemed in shock but quickly recovered and shook her hand. He opened and closed his mouth several times before squeaking out, "Hi. I mean, hello. I mean, how do you do?" He winced as she smiled at him gently.

"Very well, thank you. This is my daughter Simi and son-in-law Affred, and my granddaughter Lissa," she said. Her daughter Simi had the same short, bright red hair that Mon Mothma had been famous for, and Poe realized that Lissa, who they'd seen earlier, was barely an adult, perhaps 15 or 16 years old. Her cheeks turned bright pink as they all shook hands.

They followed the senator, who walked slowly and seemed to have an issue with her hip, into the main house. "Let's get you something to drink and then Lissa will show you to your accommodations for the night. Then we'll talk. Chewbacca, stay with me for a moment?"

Lissa led Rose, Finn, Poe and BB-8 to several small, round outbuildings, each with a bed, a small wood stove and a table and chair for sitting. Finn looked hesitant before setting his bag down in his room, giving Poe a quick glance. Poe patted him on the shoulder and gave him a wink before heading to his own room right next door. Poe set his bag on his bed and took out the package Leia had given him, and the four of them returned back to the house.

Once inside, they sat around a large table while Lissa brought out food and drinks. The food was simple but absolutely amazing compared to the terrible food at the base. Poe's mouth was watering before he even had a bite. The senator let them eat and drink in peace, telling them to direct their compliments on the rich meats, cheeses and breads to the skills of her daughter and son-in-law, who ran the farm.

When the eating began to slow, Senator Mothma turned to Poe.

"So what happened?"

Poe paused in taking a bite and then looked at Rose and Finn, who both looked at him nervously. "What do you mean?" he said, trying for nonchalance.

The senator fixed him with a knowing look. "The protocol is, if I don't hear from General Organa for a standard month, and there are no reports of resistance activity, then we are to rendezvous here. Since Leia is not here but you are, I assume she sent you in her stead. Chewbacca said he was on an island with Luke Skywalker" - she raised her eyebrows and huffed in amazement as she looked at Chewie, who just shrugged - "so he wasn't there. He did tell me that everyone escaped on the Millenium Falcon, which means there were very few people left. So. What happened to the resistance?"

Everyone looked at Poe expectantly, and he set down his fork and took a drink of water. Why couldn't this be beer? He could use a beer. Maybe a whole keg. His vision was turning fuzzy around the edges and the glass shook as he set it down.

"Uh… well." He looked at the senator. In the past, in a situation like this he would summon the same bravado and smooth arrogance that he felt and displayed those many months ago, but now it just made him feel tired. He immediately discarded any thoughts of representing their devastating losses as anything other than what they were. He might as well be honest about it.

"We fucked it up. I fucked it up. We took out a Dreadnaught, the Fulminatrix, but we lost all of our bombers and most of our fleet, mostly because I didn't follow orders. And when we ran, they tracked us through hyperspace. We lost everyone else at Crait." He swallowed and didn't think he could say much more as he rubbed his eyes and fought the overwhelming urge to get up from the table and go throw up outside. A chair scraped and he felt Finn's hand squeeze his leg under the table. Poe reached down and grabbed Finn's hand, holding it tightly as he cleared his throat and looked back up at the senator.

Mon Mothma looked terribly sad, her care-worn face drawn and serious, as she exchanged looks with her daughter and son-in-law. But she did not look surprised.

"We heard about the Dreadnaught. The First Order tried to hide it at first, but there was no way they could keep something that big out of the news feeds. And Commander Dameron -" She looked him in the eye to make sure he was listening. "Many people died before you came along, and many more will die in the months and years to come if the First Order is not stopped. The fact that you are sitting here means that you are a survivor, and sometimes that's all that is needed: someone who was there, who can tell the story and light the fires."

"And you are not responsible, Poe," Rose said. He turned to her warily. "My sister knew what she was doing. We all did. We knew the risk, but we did it anyway."

"Leia told me to turn back, Rose," Poe said, his voice rough and his breathing short and rapid. "And I literally turned her off. I didn't want to hear it. I was their leader and I let them down." He looked around the table. "I let you all down."

"You didn't kill Han," Chewbacca moaned.

"You didn't put me in the medbay with a lightsaber wound in my back," Finn said tensely.

"You took out Starkiller Base. You saved everyone," Rose said quietly. "You're a hero, Poe."

BB-8 rolled up and bumped into his leg, letting out pips and whistles of support.

Poe couldn't handle this. He covered his face with his free hand to hide his eyes, which had started to water. Finn reached up and pulled him into a strong hug, whispering into his ear, "I know you think you are responsible, but you're not. It's not your fault. We're saving people's lives, we're saving the galaxy, and we will all follow you where ever you go. I'll follow you anywhere, Poe Dameron."

The room fell silent, and Poe felt a deep shame, for how he's acted, for his guilt, for letting it all out right here in front of everyone. So much for the cock-sure flyboy.

"Let's see what's in this package, shall we?" the senator said after a few quiet moments, and she pulled open the box in front of her. Poe was grateful to have the eyes turn away from him, and he took a deep breath as he wiped his face on his sleeve. Finn didn't remove his arm around Poe's shoulders as they watched Mon Mothma open the box.

Inside were maps with bases and hidden redoubts, a long letter to Mon written in Leia's own hand, and a data pad that looked like it had lists and manifests. "This looks like every lead she had for possible support," the senator said quietly as she looked through the data. "This is very sensitive. I can see why she didn't want to broadcast this over channels. She must trust you all very much to deliver this to me," she said with a pointed look at Poe. He just took a deep breath and nodded.

They spent the next hour looking over the maps and data, and each of them contributed something to the discussion. Mon and Affred, who turned out to be not only her son-in-law but also one of her most trusted advisors during her chancellery, were able to add political and strategic information to the data pad, with notes on connections, finances, who to talk to and where. After a while, Lissa and Rose disappeared into another room and some music started to play, and Simi brought out glasses and several bottles of wine.

"Oh gods, you have no idea," Poe said after he was handed a glass. He didn't think he had ever tasted a wine as sparkly and delicious as this god-like nectar. Finn smiled, his arm back around Poe's waist, and they all toasted each other, the resistance, and those they've lost. Finn didn't let go of Poe for the rest of the conversation, and as they continued to discuss tactics and the wine warmed Poe's cheeks, he thanked the force more than once for the closeness of his friends and how much he loved them.

"So Chewie tells me you used to be a stormtrooper," Mon Mothma said after another hour, her voice careful and neutral as she poured Finn another glass of wine. Simi and Affred had already gone to bed and Chewie had wandered off into the living room.

Finn tensed a little at the comment, but Poe slung his arm around Finn's neck and responded for him.

"This guy saved my life," Poe said, looking at his friend with warmth. "He smuggled me off that Star Destroyer and shot up the whole deck. You should have seen him! It was something else. I don't know what I would do without him. He's my best friend, you know," he said and shot a smile at the senator.

Finn looked a little taken aback. "I am?"

Now it was Poe's turn to look surprised. "Of course you are… who else?"

"I don't know. I mean it's great. I'm glad. Really glad. I just… didn't know."

The senator was looking at them shrewdly.

"Let me guess, commander. General Organa ordered you to bring Finn along on this mission, didn't she?" Poe didn't stop looking at Finn, at his brown eyes softened with wine, and his mouth so full and easy. He almost forgot the senator had asked a question, but then he nodded absentmindedly. "She's a wily one, that princess. This is why the rebellion will never die, because of people like you and the love you have for each other. Don't forget that."

Good advice, Poe thought as he watched Finn's face, so close. So inviting. But he just sighed and took another large drink of wine, and Finn looked away, that same small smile on his face from the Falcon.

And then the music changed. It got louder, for one, with a heavy beat and dirty lyrics, and Poe turned towards the other room where the girls were. Someone whooped, and suddenly the beat pulled irresistibly at him.

"What is that?" he asked the senator, the awe clear in his voice.

"I have no idea, but it seems to be popular with the teenagers on Coruscant."

Poe's head slowly started to bob and a smile overcame him. He looked at Finn and bit his lower lip, his eyebrows going up in an invitation.

"Do you mind if we continue this conversation in the morning, senator?" he said without breaking eye contact with Finn. Senator Mothma gave a small laugh.

"It's way past my bedtime anyway, boys, so I'm happy to talk again tomorrow. Good night, gentlemen."

Poe grabbed Finn by the collar and dragged him into the central living room. It was a wide, warm, high-ceilinged room with a large fluffy rug and comfortable couches. Chewie was sitting with his back against a couch working on some sort of complicated block puzzle, a bottle of wine sitting next to him, and Lissa and Rose were dancing in the middle of the room, spinning and laughing. Lissa stopped immediately and blushed as soon as she saw Poe and Finn, but Poe let go of Finn's shirt, set down his wine glass and began to dance, biting his lips together and scrunching his eyebrows. Soon, Lissa was laughing and dancing again too, and Poe grabbed the two women and taught them a funky line dance with lots of pointing and hip grinding. Soon they were all giggling and gyrating on the shaggy rug.

The song changed to another great tune, this one a little slower but still with a heavy beat, and Poe turned to Finn. And, holy fucking yoda, the look on Finn's face made him want to get right up in there, like, right now. Finn's mouth was slightly open and he was staring intensely at Poe, his eyes a little wide. It looked like maybe he wasn't breathing as he stood there absolutely still with a glass of wine in his hand.

Perfect. He was fucking perfect.

Poe pointed right at Finn's chest and started to dance over to him. Finn seemed to come back into his body and he started to shake his head. "Oh no. Nope. No thank you."

"Oh yes," Poe said in beat to the music. He gently grabbed Finn's glass and set it down, then took his hand and pulled him over towards the rug.

"Uh, Poe? Um, I don't know… how to dance. I mean, I've never danced."

Poe paused for a second to register that remark, everything that it meant, of growing up without _music and dancing. What the actual fuck?_ But he quickly glided past the intense sadness, which felt like it could knock the wind out of him if he let it, and back into the giddy energy of the room. He just shook his head slowly and pulled Finn up against him. He pulled Finn's hand in close and put his other hand on Finn's hip. "It doesn't matter," he said as he pressed his cheek against Finn's. He smelled just like Finn should smell, of leather and warmth and something smokey. Poe closed his eyes and began to sway with the music. "There's no right way to dance."

Finn was breathing hard as he stood there unmoving. But Poe just pulled him in closer, crouching down a little so they fit together, and Finn took in a sudden breath. Then Poe began to walk back and twist back and forth as he looked at Finn. He winked, exaggerated and goofy sexy, and then scrunched up his face and rose up to his toes while holding their hands out wide. He tossed his head back dramatically.

It had the effect he was hoping for. Finn got a twinkle to his eye and tilted his head to the side as if Poe was crazy. But then his head started to bob with the music and his shoulders started to pop a little.

"Gods dammit you're beautiful," Poe said under his breath as he shook his head back and forth and closed his eyes. "This is the best damn night of my life." 

* * *

There were many bottles of wine. Most of it went to the Wookie, who was now passed out on the couch, but more than enough went to Poe. He was starting to think that maybe that was a mistake, and the vague thought passed through his head that he never really learns from these lessons, does he? He just shrugged at the thought and reached for Finn. Who was lying on the floor. Also very, very drunk.

"Com'mon, big boy, time for bed," he said and pulled on Finn's hand. It was only partially successful, however - Finn did look very heavy, now that Poe thought about it - and Lissa, who was soon going to be the last one standing (Rose had gone to bed over an hour ago), helped Finn up. With Lissa on one side and Poe on the other, they managed to get Finn out the door and over to his cabin. His cabin? His hut? Is this a hut?

"S'is a hut?" he slurred, but Lissa just laughed. They managed to get up the three steps and inside the door without anyone breaking anything, and Lissa guided their fall into bed. She patted them both on the shoulders.

"You going to be ok?" she asked. She was so sweet, that Lissa.

"You're a good girl," he said to her as Finn gave her a thumbs up, his face planted firmly in a pillow. "We'll be fiiiiiine."

She patted them again and then left, closing the door behind her.

"S'is your room 'r my room?" Poe asked as he settled his head on the pillow. Finn just gave a floppy shrug without opening his eyes.

"I should prolly go," he said, but didn't make any move to get up.

"No stay," Finn slurred and then pawed Poe loosely. Poe turned over and wiggled up to Finn then pulled a cover over them both.

"We should prolly take off our boots," Poe said, his head heavy on the pillow and his eyes closed. Finn nodded behind him.

"Finn?" Another nod. "This was the best night ever." Another nod. "You're awesome." Another nod. "I love you." A sigh and a mumbled something that sounded like "M'f you too" and Finn raised his head just enough to kiss the back of Poe's head and then flop down again. Poe grabbed Finn's arm and wrapped it around himself, pulling him close.

Best night ever.


	4. Finn suspects Poe's trying to kill him

Finn felt at all times that he was barely holding it together.

Every day, all day, he was just winging it. A new food? Sure, he'll try it. Some strange custom everyone knows about but him? Sure, he can play along. New friends who made spontaneous decisions and were constantly in trouble and seemed to get shot at all the time? Sure, it beats the First Order.

But this whole thing with relationships and holding hands and kissing and flirting? He had absolutely no idea what to do. None. Total blank.

So when he grabbed Rey's hand after they first met, he didn't know if that was normal or not but it seemed like what civilians do, right? The big strong man holds the pretty lady's hand as they get shot at and run away from TIE fighters together? Uh... maybe?

And when Rose kissed him on Crait, he thought, ok, maybe this is what friends do. They just kiss each other, like randomly, or when they almost die, or in the middle of a big battle when you're in the process of dying.

It took spending a lot of time in his room by himself after they all ran away to the new old base to finally think this stuff through. And, of course, the only person he felt he could talk to about it was Rey.

"So… how do you know when someone wants to, you know, date you? Or get married or whatever?"

"What?" she said as she scraped rust off a part. They were reviewing old manuals as they tried to do inventory. The base had warehouses full of old, falling-apart stuff, and Finn was amazed that the resistance was able to function at all. It was like ants trying to take down a bantha with toothpicks and rusty nails. Maybe that said more about the First Order than it did the rebels, though.

"I just don't get it. Like, at all," he continued as he handed her yet another rusted motor. "I mean, there's no dating or flirting in the First Order. People have sex and the superiors look the other way most of the time, but no one can get married or have kids, and no one talks about it. It's all 'don't ask and don't tell.' But out here -" he waves his hand around to the universe in general "- it's all very confusing."

"How should I know?" she said and grunted as she banged on the part with a hammer. That didn't seem to be the right tool, Finn thought, but what did he know? Not much, that was clear. "I spent my childhood alone in a rusting AT-AT. Most of the people I met wanted to steal from me or kill me or both. I don't know how it works."

"So you've never dated anyone?" he said, both curious and surprised.

"Not really." She finally put down the motor and wiped her hands on a rag. She looked up at him and paused to think. "I guess I had friends, but we weren't very close. Not like I am with you and Rose."

"Did you kiss them?"

"No, blech, most of them were like, 30 years older than me or another species."

"Well then you're not going to be very helpful," he said grumpily. But she just smiled at him with soft affection.

"What are you worried about? Are you interested in someone?"

Finn just shook his head all around and shrugged. "I have no idea. Maybe? I don't know. I mean, Rose kissed me, but it was kind of awkward and then she passed out. And I want to hold your hand all the time, but it's usually because I'm always worried about you" - Rey just smiled at him again like he was adorable "- and I think Poe is flirting with me constantly, but he seems to flirt with everyone so I don't know what that means. Like I said. Confusing."

Rey just shrugged and went back to cleaning the motor. "Maybe you should just go with it. Do what feels right. As long as the other person seems into it, it might be fun." She flashed him one of her trademark sunny smiles, and Finn couldn't help but smile back.

Ok, sure. He'll just go with it. Like with everything else in his life. 

* * *

"You will never guess what happened to me last night."

Finn plopped down across from Rey in the mess hall, dropping his tray down with a clank to punctuate the statement. It was about a week after their conversation about relationships, and Chewbacca had managed to bring down one of the large, antlered indigenous herbivores that roamed the forests on Ajan Kloss. The entire base was enjoying the first red meat they've had in ages, and just the smell if it roasting in the hangar deck had brought everyone outside throughout the day. Now that Rey had come in from her afternoon training, Finn was taking the opportunity to eat his share.

"Um, Chewbacca taught you how to barbecue?" Rey said around a large bite of meat. She looked kinda blissed out, her cheeks puffed out on one side as she slowly chewed, and Finn couldn't help but chuckle.

"No, but that would be awesome."

"You found a new gyro stabilizer for the Falcon?" she said excitedly. It had been on her top ten wish list for the Falcon since returning from Luke's island.

"No, sorry."

"You named one of the porgs?" she said with a giggle.

"No," Finn said impatiently, and he started to bounce and wonder if they were going to do this all afternoon. She saw the look on his face and smiled around another big bite.

"Ok, tell me then."

"Poe came to my room in the middle of the night, wanting to talk. We drank some of those beers that I had been saving and then -" he dropped his voice down to a whisper and leaned across the table "- we fell asleep on the couch."

Rey did an exaggerated gasp and leaned forward. "Really? Do tell. Did you kiss?"

"What?" Finn sat back again. "No." And then he started to feel uncertain. "Should we have? Should I have kissed him?"

She shrugged. "Did you want to?" She took another bite.

He puffed out his cheeks as he breathed out a heavy sigh. "I don't know. It was kind of weird. Poe was all… insecure and fidgety. He tried to get out of it at first, like he was regretting knocking on my door, but then he eventually chilled out and we talked for a while. He said he's having trouble sleeping. I think he's feeling guilty. For making bad decisions or something."

Rey was pensive as she slowly chewed and swallowed. "Did you tell him you've been having trouble sleeping too?"

"Kind of, but we didn't really get into it."

"Well, it sounds like a good thing. Maybe you both should move in together, like me and Rose. It's kind of nice having someone else around."

Finn thought about it. In truth, he'd been thinking about it for a couple of weeks. He didn't like sleeping alone, had always shared a room with someone his entire life, and the person who came to mind every time was Poe. But there was something else there, a buzzy kind of energy that filled his belly whenever he thought about the idea, and he wasn't sure what to do with it. It was like feeling nervous, or excited, but neither of those were exactly right.

"And then," Rey continued, leaning forward conspiratorially, "if you did feel like kissing him, it sure would be a lot easier."

The bees in his belly buzzed to life again. Maybe, if he managed to summon the courage, he would talk to Poe about it tonight. If he stopped by again. Maybe he just needed to spend more time with Poe and this strange feeling inside him would eventually go away. He liked talking with him. He really liked it, and despite the nervous energy, Poe was an easy person to talk to.

Maybe they could work something out. Maybe some day they could spend every night together. That didn't sound like such a bad idea. 

* * *

But that was before he realized that Poe Dameron was trying to kill him.

"Ugh, my eyeballs," he groaned and turned over in bed. That was a mistake, as everything swam. He swallowed heavily, his throat dry and thick.

"I think something died in my mouth," Poe said next to him, his voice an octave lower than usual.

Finn tried to open his eyes but they felt like they had sand in them. The room was lit from yellow light that came in around the curtains, and he realized it must be morning. He reached up to rub his face, but the movement made the room spin more. He swallowed again and realized he was going to be sick. He quickly rolled out of bed and made it into the small bathroom before throwing up a bunch of liquid into the toilet.

"Aw, buddy," Poe said from the other room as he sat up slowly in bed.

"This is all your fault," Finn said and spit into the toilet. He could feel his heart beating in his head. Pound, pound, pound.

"Hey, I didn't force you to drink two bottles of wine. You did that all on your own."

Poe reached over and grabbed a glass of water and two white pills that were sitting next to the bed - "oh that sweet, sweet girl" - and downed the pills. "Ok, maybe it's a little bit my fault," he said and then slowly stood, swayed a little, and stumbled over to Finn. He handed Finn a full glass of water and a couple of pills. "But here, take this. It will make you feel better," he said as he stood next to where Finn was kneeling on the floor. Finn took it, and the water settled his stomach somewhat.

"I've got to piss," Poe said and kneed Finn gently out of the way. Finn crawled to the middle of the room and lay face down on the rug.

"When will the room stop spinning?" he grumbled into the floor. Poe washed his hands and face in the sink and then walked over to Finn. He pulled off Finn's boots and socks and then did the same for himself and crawled back into bed, fully under the covers this time.

"You should come back to bed," he said as he rubbed his feet in the sheets and sighed. Finn crawled over to the bed and got in, lying on his back next to Poe. He closed his eyes as Poe reached over and grabbed his hand under the covers.

He liked holding Poe's hand. He'd found that since leaving the First Order, he really liked getting to touch people. Rey said that he was touch-starved, which seemed a little over-dramatic until he realized that all he wanted to do was hug, squeeze and hold his friends all the time. So maybe there was something to that.

And as he thought about the night before - what he could remember of it, anyway; the details were a little fuzzy - he realized he spent most of the night touching Poe as much as possible. At the table, on the dance floor, snuggled in bed afterwards. Right now he was too tired and his whole body hurt too much to have that funny-excited-nervous feeling that he got when he was around Poe these days. But last night it was in full force, especially when they were dancing. Good gracious. He had to drink wine just to keep from losing it altogether.

He wasn't sure if he liked that buzzy feeling in his chest, honestly. Sometimes it hurt.

"Why do you flirt with everyone all the time?" Finn asked, and then let out a breath in surprise at himself. Where did that come from? His brain was not working right. He didn't even realize he was thinking about it.

Poe turned his head to the side and then turned over to face Finn. He put his arm around Finn's chest and buried his face in his shoulder.

"I don't know. Because it's fun." They lay there in the quiet for a few moments before Poe plopped his head up on his hand and looked at Finn. Finn opened one eye and looked at Poe.

"Why?" Poe asked, his voice rough. "Does it bother you?"

Poe's hair was a mess. It was a lot curlier than Finn had realized, and after a night in bed, the ringlets were sticking up all over. His eyelids were at half mast and stubble had started coming in on his chin, and Poe was relaxed and soft and close and warm.

Ok, there was that buzzing in his chest again. Welcome back.

Finn closed his eyes and turned his head back straight onto the pillow. "Maybe. A little."

Poe didn't respond, and after a few moments he settled his head back down into Finn's shoulder and wrapped his arm around his chest again. He squeezed gently and Finn turned his head and buried his nose into Poe's curls, breathing deeply.

Ok, maybe Poe wasn't trying to kill him. But sometimes Finn wondered about the strength of his heart as it pounded in his chest like it did now, ever so slowly calming as they both breathed deeper, sinking heavy and relaxed into the bed.

He sighed and fell back asleep with the smell of Poe Dameron's hair filling his head.


	5. Poe and Finn begin negotiations

It was like this every night, and it was getting worse. Poe would be lying in his bunk at the new base on Ajan Kloss, in a dark room that was usually fine for his needs. He had space for BB-8 and his few belongings, a bed, a shower. It was all fine. But at night it closed in on him like a collapsing cave.

He was a pilot, at home in a tight cockpit, with only a thin layer of poly between him and the cold vacuum of space. With adrenaline running high, he forgot everything but the thrill of the chase and the beeps of BB-8 and the jolt of the guns as they fired. He never felt more alive than when sitting on one of those rockets, spinning and sliding as he out maneuvered his opponents. In the heat of combat, any strategic thinking went out the window and his mind was taken over strictly with tactics and winning the battle, no matter the costs. It's what made him a brilliant pilot - he takes what he's got and makes instant, instinctual decisions without thinking. He reacts, and his reactions are the quickest in the fleet.

But get him alone at night, confined to a small room with a single bed, the distant sounds of machinery droning in the background, and it's quiet. Much too quiet. Before the Battle of Crait, the resistance had been growing. Hundreds of people roamed the halls, busy with the duties of planning and preparing and bustling with excitement at fighting the First Order. They had bombers and fighter pilots and a whole fleet of ships.

Now almost everyone he fought with was dead. The fleet was down to a single ship, and the whole of the resistance could fit on the Millennium Falcon. In the dead of night, the words of General Organa come back to him, about how his impulsive behavior led to a bunch of dead heroes.

The longer they've been on Ajan Kloss, the more Poe's been crawling out of his skin. He's finding it hard to be alone in his room with nothing but the ghosts of those who died to keep him company, and tonight was no different. He swung his legs over the side of his bunk and put his pants and boots on. He was going to find a drink.

He left his room and heaved a huge sigh as he looked at his wrist watch. It was way past midnight, and he knew from experience that no one would be up in the mess hall. He walked there and looked through the cabinets, not finding anything that he wanted, of course. If he wanted to find something stronger than the strange pinkish juice from the native trees, he was going to have to talk with some people. Unfortunately, his best connection was a bomber co-pilot named Maarta, and she was dead, so he'd been dry for weeks now. He kicked a chair and it flew across the room, then he signed and picked it up again and put it back in its place. He continued to walk the halls until he found himself at Finn's door.

Not for the first time.

His cheek twitched as he stood there, staring at the metal door. His stomach churned in that way it always did when he thought of finding Finn in the middle of the night, which was becoming more and more frequent. He puffed out his cheeks and turned to walk away. It's late, Finn is sleeping, this is stupid.

Fuck it. He turned and knocked on the door.

Poe held his breath, but nothing happened. He put his ear against the door and listened, squinting as he tried to hear movement inside. This is dumb. He should just go back to his room and take something apart. Work on his guns or BB-8 or something to keep his mind off … pretty much everything.

The door opened and Poe jumped back. Finn was in a thin long-sleeved shirt and shorts, a crease on his cheek from sleep. He rubbed his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he said, his voice rough. "Is it Rey?"

"What?" Poe said, then shook his head with annoyance. "No, it's not Rey. Why do you always jump to that conclusion?"

"I dunno," Finn said as he visibly relaxed and scratched the back of his head. "Because she's always running off and getting into trouble?"

"Well, so do I," Poe grumbled, and Finn tilted his head slightly and looked at him a little more closely, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Ok, then … uh, what's going on?"

This was a mistake. Finn had been sleeping. Someone should get some sleep around here. Poe put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Sorry to wake you, Finn, it's … not important." He flashed him what he hoped was a classic cocky-Poe smile as he took a step back and pointed his thumb down the hallway back towards his room. "I'll just catch you sometime tomorrow…."

But something else must have been playing on his face as well because Finn stepped out of his dark room and put his hand on Poe's shoulder. Poe dropped his hand, his whole body swaying a little at the contact.

"You want to come in?" he said, dipping his head down a little to look into Poe's eyes. His face was calm and serious, his eyes focused and searching. Poe could never say no to Finn. Didn't want to. Despite his best efforts to push it all back down and leave, he nodded.

Finn stepped aside and held the door open as Poe stepped in. The room was dark, with a faint blue light in the corner and a red one in the kitchen. Like most of the rooms at the base, the apartment had a small living room and kitchen, a tiny bedroom and a toilet, that was it. Finn had managed to find a couch and a table, and a smaller stuffed chair sat opposite. Finn closed the door.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen and opened a small refrigerator. "I have a few bottles of ale that I've been hanging on to."

"How did you - ?" Poe asked, amazed that Finn, who has only been with the resistance for a few months, could put his hands on bottles of beer in a place like this.

Finn shrugged. "People just give me things," he said with an easy smile as he pulled out two brown bottles, set them on the short counter and closed the fridge. He popped the tops and handed one to Poe, who just shook his head again.

"I've been looking for something harder to drink than pinkjuice for weeks now," Poe said and took a long draft.

Finn walked over the couch, sat down and took a sip of his beer, raising his eyebrows and looking at the bottle with appreciation. "You know, I didn't even know what beer was until a few months ago. The stormtrooper program didn't allow alcohol."

"I forget sometimes that you were raised on a Star Destroyer," Poe said and took another drink from his beer. He went to sit on the couch next to Finn but then paused. It was a small couch and he would be sitting right next to Finn, legs and arms touching. Was that too intimate? He didn't want to overstep his bounds. Poe had become acutely aware in recent weeks that he tended to get way up into Finn's personal space and it was making him weirdly self-conscious. He went to the overstuffed chair instead and sat down.

Finn stared at him from the other side of the low table, the side of his face glowing blue from the light in the corner. Finn hadn't bothered to put on any other lights and Poe was grateful. In the low light, it was easier to drop some of the bravado and mania that filled his days and remember why he was here. As the silence filled the room, he realized that Finn was waiting for him to say something.

But what could he say? That the dead from his fucked up decisions in the past several months were beginning to haunt his room and he couldn't sleep there any more? That he has actually spent more nights out on the benches in central command than he cared to admit? That he was beginning to think that he was more of a liability than an asset to the resistance? That he has found himself wanting to knock on Finn's door a dozen times in the last few weeks but has always turned away?

Finn leaned forward, with his elbows on his knees, his bottle held loose in his hand, and an unsettling look of concern in his dark eyes. "Are you going to tell me why you're here in the middle of the night? Not that I'm complaining…." He smiled, and Poe let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Fuck it, he thought again. He might as well just lay it out.

"I couldn't sleep," he said simply, shrugging his shoulders. Was that really so hard?

Finn nodded his head as if considering. "Yeah, I get that. I've been having a hard time too. It's so quiet here."

"Right?" Poe said, leaning forward a little. "I just… there were more of us, and now…."

"... there are so few."

"Right," Poe said and slumped back into his chair, taking another long drink. He was almost finished with his bottle already. He should have savored it more. "Before… well, before, there were so many of us, and I'm having a hard time with…." Ok, yes, this is hard. This is very hard. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

"You miss them," Finn's quiet voice rumbled.

Poe groaned. "It's more than that, Finn. A lot of those people aren't here because of me."

"Hey, you can't think of it that way. Poe. Look at me."

Poe reluctantly opened his eyes and looked at Finn. His friend's face had a look of determination that he's seen many times.

"I get it. I do. Even though I never really had friends in the First Order, they were still people I knew. And … well, I've killed a lot of them since I escaped. Some of them I didn't like very much, but still. Sometimes I start to think about it and I begin to feel guilty, because they didn't have any more of a choice than I did. They were all kidnapped as kids and fed all this propaganda bullshit, and most of them have never even thought anything different. It's dangerous to think anything other than what your commanders are telling you. So they were as much of a victim in all of this as anyone, but I gleefully shot them down anyway. From the moment I got into that TIE fighter with you, I didn't think twice about killing anyone who got in our way. But if I let myself think about that too much, I'll just shut down. It makes me want to leave, to get on the next transport that will take me and escape to the outer rim, find some cantina on some shithole planet and clean floors or pour beer and try to forget about it."

He reached out and touched Poe's knee, making him jump involuntarily.

"But if I did that, then everyone who has died, all of these people who have put their lives on the line, people like you, who smuggled me out without a second thought, who risked their lives for someone they didn't even know - all of that will have been for nothing."

Poe took in another deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew that Finn was right, that this is just part of war. Good people die, and pilots die faster than anyone. Someday it will be him, and in some ways, the thought is almost a relief.

Finn tapped him on the knee. "Let me get you another beer."

"No, I'll get it." Poe stood up and walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge. Four more bottles were on the shelf, along with a few unopened blocks of standard brown food stuff. He grabbed two bottles and closed the door.

"I just think that I should have been better," he said as he opened the bottles. This time when he came over, he sat next to Finn and handed him a second bottle. "Not so cocky, not so reckless. The general was right. I need to get my head out of my cockpit and follow orders."

"Now where's the fun in that," Finn said with a smile and elbowed him in the ribs. They both took a drink and settled onto the couch. The heat of Finn's body radiated against his leg and arm, bleeding through his clothes in a long line from shoulder to calf, and Poe couldn't remember the last time he had sat alone with someone like this. He allowed himself to relax, consciously slowing his breathing and just being present. His head fell back against the back of the couch and he heard Finn take another pull from his beer.

"Tell me about how you grew up," Poe said into the darkness, and Finn settled in further. He began to talk, tell stories of his earliest memories, how he had been taken from his family, how he didn't remember anything outside of the First Order. He told of the coldness of his childhood, how he cried in his bunk at night, but never during the day. Never where anyone could see him. He knew the other kids did too, but emotions other than aggression or anger weren't tolerated. He eventually made a few friends - he mentioned members of his fire team, Zeroes and Nines and Slip, with a quiet affection - but even though they were true friends and he was glad to know them, he was constantly getting reprimanded for helping them or showing weakness or affection.

Finn's stories were desperately lonely, but he spoke softly as he described how he grew increasingly disillusioned with the First Order. Poe turned to watch Finn as he spoke - his head tilted back against the couch, his eyes closed, the red and blue of the room making him ethereal and ghostly. Poe hadn't really thought about it before, but Finn was so lighthearted in nature, so optimistic and enthusiastic, with an unerring sense of right and wrong, and yet the stories of his childhood were the opposite. How could someone as vibrant as Finn survive in such an environment and come out sane?

"You really are remarkable," Poe said as Finn took a breath while telling him about the drudgery of his job in sanitation. Finn opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Um, thanks?"

"I mean, there aren't many people who made it out of there. I've only heard of maybe one or two other stormtroopers who defected. It's pretty remarkable. _You're_ pretty remarkable."

Finn looked at him with his mouth slightly open, then a huge goofy grin lit up his face in the dim light. "You say the nicest things." And he hugged him - a strong, real embrace that rocked them both as Poe reached his arms around and hugged him back.

"See, I got to meet people like you, and if you hadn't joined the resistance and got captured and broke me out of there, I never would have gotten to know you." Finn pulled back, his hand on Poe's shoulder. "Thanks for your service, Poe Dameron. I'm glad you don't follow orders very well." He lifted his beer as if to toast, and Poe laughed and clinked their bottles together. Finn leaned back into the couch and put his bare feet up on the table, and Poe took a drink from his beer and settled in next to him.

Finn continued his story about working in sanitation and then asked Poe about his childhood. As Poe spoke of growing up dusty and hungry, the child of two rebel alliance fighters, always on the run from one place to another, he felt Finn's head rest on his shoulder. He only paused for a second before continuing. He talked about his parents and realized that even though his childhood had many challenges and losses, at least he had two parents whom he loved and who loved him back. His heart grew heavy with the thought of a young Finn growing up without that love. He missed his parents, and he told Finn so. He wished they were still with him to tell him what to do and how to be. In many ways, Leia had always been like a mother to him, which was why her words usually made their way through his thick skull eventually, even if it was days or months later.

He paused in speaking and looked down at Finn. Finn's face was absolutely relaxed and his eyes moved beneath his eyelids as he slipped into a dream. His face was so close and unguarded, and Poe took his time to study his friend, the full roundness of his eyes, his lips, his cheeks. He seemed so young, and he was. More than 10 years younger, and so much less experienced with the world. His youthfulness went deeper than just his face. He was buoyant, luminous, vibrant. Poe felt old and dirty and scarred in comparison.

Poe put his head back and felt the heavy weight of Finn's head on his shoulder. He finished his beer and then set the bottle gently on the floor. He sat there listening to Finn's deep, steady breaths for a long time, letting the rhythm of it lull him deeper and deeper. 

* * *

Poe woke with a jerk. He had a crick in his neck and he groaned as he pulled his head up, his hand going to the back of his neck.

"Oh, I fell asleep," Finn said as he sat up and wiped his mouth. "Uh, sorry, I might have drooled on you."

Poe stood up and stretched. He groaned at the pins and needles in his legs. Finn was blinking heavily, and Poe held out his hand and helped him up. They stood there for a second and then Poe gave him a hug.

"Thanks for answering the door," he said and stepped back.

Finn rubbed his eyes and smiled. "Hey, wake me up any time."

Poe patted him on the shoulder then opened the door and stepped out into the bright hallway. He heard the door click behind him as he shuffled to his room and went inside. As he dropped into his bed, toeing off his shoes, he thought to himself, well, that was nice. I'll have to do that again sometime.

And Poe Dameron slipped into a dreamless sleep.


	6. Finn and Poe get some bad news

They followed a trail between two tall white fences towards Senator Mothma's personal study, a large, round building sitting at the edge of the forest. Finn had dressed in the brown leather pants, sandy-colored shirt, and grey scarf that Poe had given him a few weeks earlier back at the base. Most of his clothes used to be Poe's, which everyone on the base seemed to know but no one seemed to care about. Finn figured out pretty quickly that it wasn't really normal to have someone give you all their clothes, but so much had gone on in the past several months that things like that just didn't seem very important to anyone any more.

But it was important to Finn. Finn cared about the clothes. He was very aware of what Poe was wearing at all times. Today Poe had on a soft, cream-colored shirt with the sleeves rolled up and his favorite canvas pants with a sturdy belt, and he had a scarf that was similar to Finn's. It was several shades darker, so it matched his hair.

Sometimes when they dressed similarly, Finn would imagine that they were brothers or partners, out on an adventure, going on secret missions with matching scarves, and it made Finn feel cool, like he was a flashy hero like the famous, dashing Poe Dameron. ("You are like Poe," Rose's voice comes out in his head; she even imaginary-punches him for good measure. "You're every inch the hero that he is.")

Once he wrote "Finn Dameron" in the back of one of the shirts, but then immediately scratched it out, leaving a black mark. Because even though in his mind, he was beginning to secretly call himself that, he figured that Poe had already given him one name, and it seemed unfair to make him give another. No one asked Finn his last name, anyway, so it never really came up.

These were the thoughts that slid around like loose canisters in his brain as they walked to Mon Mothma's study. He kept shaking his head like maybe they would slide back to where ever they came from, because he was having a hard time focusing. He kept looking over at Poe, and half the time he'd catch Poe looking back. It would have been funny if it didn't make his chest do such such strange things.

Stay focused - you can do this, Finn Dameron!

"You seem like you're feeling better," Poe said, pointing to his face. Finn realized he'd been smiling to himself. Finn looked up above him, at the huge, purplish clouds and the deep blue sky, and he spread his arms around to the grand blue forests and the tauntauns running around and tossing their heads. Then he looked to Poe and smiled. "It's a beautiful day, Poe. Even you can't be cranky on a day like this."

Poe snorted and launched himself at Finn, grabbing him around the neck and kissing the top of his head. Finn playfully pushed him away, but Poe grabbed his hand and pulled him next to him. The mood seemed to change almost instantly as Poe's face softened a little, and they continued up the trail hand in hand.

Finn couldn't keep up with the flips that were happening in his insides pretty constantly. Something had changed in the past day, and it was like he and Poe were hyper aware of each other, constantly looking over as they got ready, as they grabbed some breakfast, talked with Rose and Chewie, made plans for later in the day. Poe sat next to him on the couch, stood next to him in the kitchen, grabbed his hand under the table. He kind of wished they could just go back to bed and talk about …

What? Talk about what? What did they have to talk about? It felt like there was something there between them, as tangible as a physical object in the room, but Finn had no idea what it was, what to even call it, so how could they talk about it? He sighed and tried to focus on the task at hand.

They reached the senator's study, which turned out to be a large and beautiful building that was more like a temple. It had the same low walls and high, sloping, round roof as the other buildings, but it also had long, ornate wooden steps, stained glass windows, and a copper tiled roof with three copper moons rising from the top. The door had a blue glass window in the shape of a sun. Poe knocked, and a silver protocol droid opened the door and invited them in.

The senator was sitting in an egg-shaped, floating seat next to a long, padded bench on the opposite side of the open room. Book shelves lined the rounded walls to the left and the right, and a large half-circle desk sat to the left. A long, low window above the padded bench looked out into the forest.

Mon Mothma was watching a blue hologram image, and Poe and Finn stopped when they realized it was of General Organa.

"Please, come in," the senator said and turned off the image. She waved them over and patted the bench closest to her. "Please sit down. Would you like some tea?"

The droid brought them a tray with some hot, spiced tea, and they each took a cup. It was rich and aromatic and was unlike anything Finn had ever tasted.

"Thank you for coming to meet with me before going out today. I hear Simi is taking you to the mushroom forest this afternoon?" She looked specifically at Finn as she took a sip of her tea. Even after the wine and conversation from last night, Finn still felt very uncomfortable talking to the senator. He felt like he was an imposter, like he didn't belong here at her house, accepting her hospitality and talking about politics and strategy. He had no idea what to do with his hands or how to look at her, much less what to say. He often felt that way about Leia Organa too, but at least with her, they'd been in battle together. There was something about fighting alongside someone that made them easier to talk to.

He just nodded and looked at Poe nervously. Poe winked and squeezed his knee.

The senator then set her cup down and reached over to them, grabbing each of them by the hand. Her hands were soft and smooth, and the touch instantly made Finn forget about anything else he was thinking and focus entirely on Mon Mothma.

"I needed to talk with you both about General Organa," she said and squeezed their hands. "There is no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. The general is dying."

Poe took in a sharp breath and sat back against the bench.

"What do you mean, she's dying?" he said, his voice alarmed.

Senator Mothma looked somber but steady. "Not right now. And maybe not for a while. But it's coming. My dear, the princess is strong in the force, but even that can't prevent her from growing old. She has been serving in the resistance for a very long time - has committed her life to the cause, sometimes even to the detriment of the people she loves. She's tired, and the last few months have taken a heavy toll on her. She's lost Han. She's lost Luke. She's lost her son. While she doesn't show it, and probably will continue not to show it until the very end, she is growing weak. She doesn't have much time, and she knows it."

Finn looked at Poe, and everything in him wanted to embrace his friend. Poe looked devastated, like he had never considered the fact that Leia Organa could grow old and die. Finn had been there when the command ship's bridge had been shot out out and Leia force-pulled herself back in, but everything was happening so fast that none of them - not even Poe - had really processed that Leia might have died. Then they moved on and were soon right back in the action.

"Poe, you have been with Leia for a long time. Your parents were with the rebellion, and she trusts you - even though you have made mistakes. She speaks very fondly of you, and she thinks you have the potential to be a great leader, if you can slow down enough to do it. Poe -" she pulled at his hand a little, speaking very slowly, as if maybe he wouldn't understand if she didn't, "- she needs you -"

And then she looked at Finn.

"- and you need him," she said and nodded at Finn.

It was Finn's turn to feel astonished. Why would Poe need Finn? I mean, yes, they're friends, but Poe has a lot of friends. He has people with more experience, more skills, more history. He has his squadron, especially Snap Wexley and Jessica Pava, and Rey is way more powerful than all of them. It didn't make sense. He looked at Poe to confirm that this didn't make sense, but instead, Poe just looked resigned, like he knew the senator was right but was having a hard time accepting it.

She pulled Finn and Poe's hands together and then wrapped her own fingers around them, holding them tightly.

"The resistance is hanging on by a thread, and you all are going to need to depend on each other. Absolutely. There's no time for competition or jealousy, no time for distrust. Your biggest asset is each other, and those bonds need to be as strong as they can be. Leia knows this, and it's one of the reasons she sent you to me. I can tell you things that she cannot. She knows that she is a beacon of light for the resistance, and if people knew she was dying, they would lose confidence in the fight. She can never talk with you about it and she will never admit it.

"But I am here to tell you that you must be strong for her and for everyone who struggles against the First Order. The two of you -" she looks at them both and squeezes their hands "- are her last hope."

Poe shook his head in denial.

"But what about Rey? Or … I don't know, Commander D'Acy or someone. There's got to be someone else."

"Rey has another destiny. Leia has seen it, and that is why she is training her in the ways of the force. No, there is no one else, Poe. When she dies, she plans on making you general."

Poe pulled his hands free and put his palms to his eyes. Finn reached up and squeezed the back of his neck, wanting to lean over and murmur his support, but he felt a little self-conscious in front of the senator.

"I'm sorry to be the bearer of such news, but you needed to know," the senator said softly. "Is there anything I can do for you, commander? I am here to support you however I can."

Poe suddenly shook his head and stood up, shaking off Finn's hand.

"Thank you for telling me, senator. I appreciate it. If you'll please excuse me," he said and went for the door.

* * *

Poe was having trouble seeing. It felt like his chest was going to implode, as the ever-present frustration and anger and anxiety began to overrun his system.

This had been a growing problem for weeks. He seemed to have very little control over his emotions, especially his temper, and he spent a fair amount of time in his room abusing things. BB-8 was safe, of course, he would never hurt his beloved droid, but she also knew to get out of the way and make herself scarce during these little episodes. It mostly happened at night when no one else was around, so he'd been able to keep it under control to a certain extent.

But the truth was, he was becoming completely and utterly consumed by it. By guilt, by fatigue, by loneliness, by this constant gnawing anxiety inside his chest, and it was beginning to eat him alive. This news about Leia just finally put him over the top.

"Hey, wait up," Finn called from behind him as Poe stomped down the trail toward the main house. But he didn't slow, didn't turn around, because he didn't want to talk to Finn. He had nothing to say to Finn.

"Poe, stop." He felt Finn's hand on his arm and he tried to shrug it off but Finn didn't let him. He pulled Poe to a stop and stood in front of him. "Talk to me." He put his hands on his hips and stood legs apart like he wasn't going to let Poe by unless he talked first.

"Dammit, Finn, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. Anything. We were just told that Leia is dying and she wants you to lead the resistance. You have nothing to say about that?"

"Oh, yeah, I've got a lot to say about that. Like, this is absurd. I'm not the right guy. I'll never be the right guy, and I've proven that over and over again. Holdo knew it, you know it, everyone else knows it too. Leia is just flat out wrong about this, and I'm going to tell her that when we get back. I can't do this. I won't do it!"

He was yelling, his fists clenched as he threw out his hands to the side. He felt like punching something. Or someone.

"Of course you can do this," Finn said, his voice irritatingly calm and steady. "You're Poe Dameron, resistance hero and the best pilot in the galaxy. You can do anything."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Finn, you've got to stop believing that bullshit!" He started pacing between the fences, feeling like a pent up animal himself. This was untenable, this lie that the resistance had been spreading that Poe was some sort of war hero. They never told the truth when they spread that fucking propaganda bullshit because if people knew the truth - that if you join the resistance, it's just a death sentence - people would never join up.

He approached one of the fences and punched it. The wood cracked and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but he didn't care. Poe just put his hands on the top of his head. The tears started to well in his eyes and he wiped at his face angrily.

"Are you done?" Finn said conversationally, his hands on his hips.

"Yes," Poe said and pushed his way past Finn. He continued down the trail, then walked past the main house and towards the cabins. He reached his hand for the door before he realized that he had gone straight for Finn's cabin as if it were his.

"What are you doing?" he said to himself and immediately turned towards the one behind, which had Poe's bag in it. He went through the door and tried to slam it behind him, but Finn was right there. Finn came through and shut the door.

"Ok, it's my turn," Finn said as Poe turned on him, ready to tell him to get out. Finn put hands back on his hips. "Number one, it's not bullshit, and you're going to need to figure that out. How long are you going to beat yourself up about all this? If you really thought that you're not the hero that people believe you are, then why are you still here? Why not just leave? I'll tell you why. It's because somewhere deep down, you know that you wouldn't leave your friends and that this is what you should be doing. You're here because you care, and you know that we need you."

Poe opened his mouth to object, but Finn cut him off with a pointed finger.

"Second, no one is dying right now, this very second, and we've got some time to figure this out. We've got time to learn what we need to and make sure the resistance is prepared. After the discussion we had last night, it sounds like we've got a lot of work to do but it's not hopeless. We've got allies all over the galaxy, and they've been working to help us. They'll continue to work to help us. They're just waiting for our signal, and then we'll take the fight back to the First Order."

Finn walked over to Poe and raised his hands. Poe flinched involuntarily, and Finn looked heartbroken for a moment but then rested his hands gently on Poe's shoulders.

"And finally, you're not alone," he said, his voice soft but his eyes determined. "I will be with you every step of the way. I'm not leaving, Poe, no matter what you say."

Something in Finn's voice and touch took all the steam right out of him. Poe's shoulders slumped, and he leaned into Finn a little. This was all too much. Between the news about Leia and his own deep self doubts - not to mention this growing connection with Finn, which needed to be dealt with sooner or later - he didn't know how he was still standing.

It's because Finn is holding me up, he realized suddenly, like a flash of light. Both literally and figuratively, Finn was right there, was always right there, no matter what Poe did or what he said.

"Why?" he said, looking in Finn's eyes, searching the warm depth there for answers. "Why do you stay?"

"Are you serious?" Finn said incredulously. "What is wrong with you?" And then he slid his hands to either side of Poe's face and kissed him. It was just soft enough, just long enough, just deep and firm enough to punctuate his point, to make sure that Poe was paying attention and understood that he was serious. But it wasn't long enough for Poe to react before Finn leaned back again.

"It's because I love you," he said and then pulled Poe into a strong hug.

Poe closed his eyes as his chest burst inside him. He buried his face into Finn's neck and embraced him back. He no longer cared if he cried in front of him, Poe was way past that, and he let the tears finally spill over while Finn held him, rocking him back and forth and telling him that it would be ok, they'll be ok, they'll figure it out. They stood there for a long time, Finn rubbing Poe's back and petting his hair. Poe's breathing began to slow and he felt like he could stand again.

Until Finn turned his head, planted a kiss on Poe's temple, and inhaled deeply, his nose buried in Poe's hair.

That's what did it. Something about that action, about the intimacy of it, about having Finn smell his hair like he had that morning as they lay in bed, went straight to Poe's gut. Suddenly, having Finn so close was going to be a problem for him very quickly, and he pulled back a little, allowing some space between them. He rested his head on Finn's shoulder and tried to get his breathing back under control.

Had it been anyone else in the universe, Poe would have had absolutely no problem with kissing him back, with pushing him up against the wall and seeing where it went. But this was Finn, and he had no idea what Finn meant by the kiss. It felt almost friendly, like maybe this was something he just did with his friends, but it was confusing. Because under any other circumstances, that was not just a friendly kiss. He didn't think he had the capacity at the moment to process all of that, however, so he pulled back.

"You ok?" Finn asked carefully as he pushed a curl off Poe's forehead. Poe swallowed and nodded.

"I'm… uh," he looked around the room and thought that he needed to pull himself together. They were supposed to be going out and spending time with their hosts, which seemed absurd at the moment. How was he expected to just carry on after all this? He shook his head. "I just need a few minutes. Let them know I'll be ready to go soon."

Finn looked unsure, and he stood there with his hands on Poe's arms for a few moments, looking at Poe's face. As the moment grew, Poe could feel his eyes grow slightly wider as he suddenly thought that maybe Finn was going to kiss him again. But instead, Finn just squeezed his shoulders and dropped his hands.

"Ok. I'll be outside." He gave Poe a warm smile and turned to leave. As the door opened, Poe called out to him.

"Finn?" When Finn turned around, Poe nodded at him. "You're a good friend. Thanks."

Finn didn't smile back. He took in a deep breath and almost looked sad for a moment, but then nodded and closed the door behind him. Poe covered his face with his hands and groaned.

He was pretty sure he wasn't going to make it through this day.


	7. Rose saves the day

Finn realized two things when he kissed Poe Dameron on the lips for the first time.

The first was that it was the best thing he had ever done in his entire life. Hands down, no competition. The only thing that might even come close was escaping the First Order (also with Poe, his mind volunteered, Poe Poe Poe).

The second thing he realized was that he wanted to do it again. And again. And again.

For a few moments, it felt like a door had opened and he could see the whole universe on the other side, and he knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted to hold Poe in his arms and give him as many kisses as he could stand. He wanted it more than anything.

But then Poe had pulled away and thanked him for being his "friend" and it all kind of fell apart. He suddenly realized that he did not want to be Poe's friend. He didn't know what he wanted to be, exactly, but for some reason, "friend" was not it.

"What are you doing out here?"

It was Rose. Finn had been standing in the middle of the courtyard staring at a blue bush for what felt like hours. It was probably just a few minutes, but time didn't have much meaning at the moment.

"I kissed Poe." He felt like maybe he wasn't totally inside his body. He was having that feeling a lot lately.

"Oh wow," she said softly, gently resting her hand on his elbow. "Are you ok?"

"I don't know," he said, his voice a little high. He slowly shook his head back and forth.

"Did he… kiss you back?"

"Nope." He took in a deep breath, which helped clear his mind a little - breathing was also weirdly challenging these days - and finally looked at Rose. She had her hands out like he was a wild animal and she was afraid he was going to bolt. "He said thanks and told me to wait outside."

It took a second for that to sink in. "Oh wow," she said again, her eyes wide.

"Yep."

She very slowly put her arm in his and started to guide him into the house. She set him down on the couch and disappeared for a few minutes. He was vaguely aware of her talking to someone in hushed tones, but then she was back with a glass of some kind of juice. He automatically took a drink and then held it in his lap, continuing to stare into space. She sat down next to him.

"You want to talk about it?"

His mouth started moving of its own volition. He told her about the arm waving and the punching and the yelling - although he had enough presence of mind to leave out the details of the conversation with Mon Mothma, at least, and only gave vague reasons for the argument. He described how they ended in an embrace that he thought was good, but maybe it wasn't so good. When he was done talking, she just sighed.

"I'm sorry, Finn," she said, her voice soft and empathetic. "I think if you just talk with him about it, you two will figure it out. Poe loves you, but it's pretty clear he's struggling right now. Just give him a little time."

Finn looked at the glass in his hands and considered her words. Things were changing between them really quickly, and even though it felt like he was in free fall and it gave him vertigo, he was eager for it. Hungered for it. Was starved for it. He had no idea he could feel this way. He liked talking with Poe, sleeping with Poe, holding his hand, but he wanted more. He wanted it all. He thought of Mon Mothma's words, that Poe needed him, and he wanted to be needed. He was eager to get to wherever it was they were headed.

But he had no idea where that was or what he was doing. He was flying blind, with no context, no instructions, no guidance. If he did nothing, he felt that Poe would just be stuck and they wouldn't get anywhere. But when he just went with it, it seemed like it was too fast. What was he supposed to do?

He sighed again and Rose gave his arm a quick pat.

"Tell you what. You let me deal with Poe, and you go outside and check out that." She was pointing out the window where Simi and Lissa were putting some tauntauns into a paddock. They had saddles and tack, and the tauntauns were trotting around and sniffing the ground. A brown-and-white paint and a silver butted heads, and Simi threw up her hand to get them to stop.

Rose was beaming. She looked like she could barely contain herself, and somehow, it caught an edge inside him. She was right, of course. Maybe he just needed to set this aside for a while and let it be.

He smiled at her goofy face. Things have a way of working themselves out.

Rose was waiting for him when Poe finally made it out of his cabin.

"Let me see it," she said, pointing to Poe's right hand. Poe sighed and let Rose look at the scraped skin on his first two knuckles. The wounds had stopped bleeding, but he'd made a bit of a mess of his skin, and a large bruise was forming as his hand began to swell.

"You're such an idiot," she said and pulled him into the main house. The domestic droid had laid out a variety of bandages and bacta salves. She carefully cleaned the scrapes as they sat at the counter.

"You gonna tell me why you and Finn were fighting?"

"Me and Finn? Now why would we be fighting?" That's right, Dameron, keep it light. He felt proud of himself.

"Because you're an idiot," she said and put on a bandage.

"Nice. Love you too," he said dryly. She just continued working on his hand, giving him a little kiss on the bandage once it was all taped down. They walked outside and towards one of the side paddocks, where Finn, Simi and Lissa were talking. Lissa was holding the leads of two tauntauns, and three others were already saddled, bridled, and tied to the fence.

"Am I in trouble about the fence?" he said out of the side of his mouth as he leaned into Rose, who had taken his arm as they walked.

"No, but only because Finn covered for you. He said the fence broke because you two were 'playing around' and it was an accident."

They walked over to the black tauntaun, which was tied loosely to the middle rail. The beast reached his head over the top of the fence and blew out a breath through his large nostrils. Rose pet his nose.

"He loves you, you know," she said. For a moment Poe thought she was talking about the tauntaun until he followed her line of sight. Finn was currycombing one of mounts and talking with Simi, who was getting ready to throw a saddle over its back. Poe's heart squeezed a little, but he ignored it.

"I know."

"No, I mean -" and she looked up into his face so Poe couldn't look away, her eyebrows raised. "He really. Loves you. As in, none of the rest of us have a chance. As in, you'd better not mess it up because Rey and I will hunt you down and… and you'll be sorry." She tapped his chest.

Poe met her gaze and bit his cheek. Two can play that game.

"As in, he's too good for me?"

Rose just tilted her head to the side and considered.

"No, he's not too good for you. I actually think you two make a lot of sense. But you're pretty messed up these days, Poe. I'm glad you two are finally -" she reached out with her hands and pretended to put them all over Poe's body "- doing whatever this constant public display of groping is. But just ..." She sighed and then reached up and cupped Poe's cheek. "Be careful with him, ok? He doesn't get it. You have to be very clear with him about what you want."

She fixed him with a sassy look. "Because he thinks you just want to be friends, which is so not what's going on here."

"Ok, well, thanks for the dating advice," Poe said, feeling annoyed. He wasn't _that_ obvious.

He wasn't, right? That obvious? He looked at Rose's face again and it seemed pretty clear that he wasn't fooling anyone. She just shook her head again. "You're both idiots."

"Hey!" Finn yelled from the middle of the paddock when he spotted them. He began to scoot along the fence, trying to avoid the back of the tauntauns that were tied up. "Do these guys kick? They look like they'd kick. Nice tauntaun," he said to the one closest to him as he ducked nervously under its neck and got right up next to the one that Rose was petting.

"Poe, this is so amazing." He had a huge, luminous smile on his face that lit up the whole sky. "I already got up on one of them and they are _fast_. It's kinda bumpy at first but it is so much fun. You're going to love it!" He was so excited that he bounced up and down and then apologized to the black tauntaun, which was now throwing its head in agitation. Poe couldn't help but laugh.

He was so completely fucked.

Poe didn't know it, but Finn made sure that he had the fastest tauntaun.

It turned out that Simi was the master tauntaun trainer at the farm, and she was in the process of breaking in the black one. As they combed the mounts, put on the tack, and cinched the saddles, Finn learned that they all have their temperaments. The silver was big and fast, but he might toss you (that's the one they gave to Poe). The brown with the black forelocks and fetlocks was sweet and smaller, and that one went to Rose. Finn had the brown-and-white paint, which was steady and sturdy and would go anywhere he asked. The last one was an old white dam they called "Momma," who didn't put up with any nonsense from the youngsters and was used to help train the others. She was in the back with Lissa.

They headed up into the hills to the south, along a well-used bridle trail. For a while, they just walked along, and Simi talked about living out in the country on this strange and remote planet. Lissian IV used to have a much larger human population, but during the Old Republic, it was discovered that there were so many unique medicinal plants and animals on the planet that it was almost completely set aside for conservation and medical research, which meant it didn't really have any strategic importance any more. That was just like she and her husband liked it.

Of course, the First Order just did whatever they wanted to, so that could change at any moment. But for now, they were mostly ignored.

Finn and Rose asked a lot of questions, and Finn tried to ignore the fact that Poe said almost nothing as he rode behind them. The one time that Finn did get up the courage to look back, Poe was gazing off into the trees, his eyebrows pulled together and his face serious. It made Finn want to panic, but he just turned back and tried to listen to Simi tell stories.

It wasn't hard. Simi was a dynamic, clever and quick-witted person who clearly loved what she was doing. Every once in a while, the black she was riding would begin to toss his head and trot to the side, and she would pull him around in several tight circles until he was back under her control. She didn't break a sweat or stop telling her stories, as if this was just a normal thing, and then she'd continue leading them up the trail.

They reached the top of a hill where there was an open field filled with low-growing purplish groundcover. Simi broke into a loping run on her tauntaun, and the rest of them followed. Poe's silver suddenly sprinted past all of them, and it looked like Poe was surprised as he struggled to bring in the reins. But then he got the hang of it, stood up in his stirrups and leaned forward. The tauntaun got the message and broke into a full run.

Finn took off after him. He knew his mount wasn't quite as fast, but it was willing, and he chased the silver to the end of the field. But as they reached the edge of the forest again, it looked like the silver wasn't going to stop, even though Poe was pulling on the reins. At the last second, the silver turned sharply to the right and Poe went sailing through the air.

Finn was off his mount and running towards Poe before he could even think. Poe was lying on the ground, his hands covering his face, and Finn feared the worst. He dropped down at Poe's side.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?" He looked for any obvious injuries and then pulled Poe's hands away from his face.

Poe was laughing so hard he couldn't speak. He had tears in his eyes as he put one of his hands on his chest and grabbed Finn with the other.

"That was the funnest fucking thing," he said when he finally caught his breath. He looked at Finn's stunned face and then started laughing harder. Finn just slumped a little in relief, and Poe pulled him down to the ground and wrapped his arm around Finn's neck as he laughed.

Finn's tauntaun clomped over and put his head down and sniffed them. Poe reached up and patted him on the nose, squeaking out "good boy" before squeezing Finn around the neck again and then laying back on the ground, his arms wide as he caught his breath.

"You're a crazy person," Finn said and shook his head. Poe just made a vocal sighing noise and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"And this is news to you?" he said and rubbed Finn on the head.

Simi rode up, leading Poe's silver behind her. "Everything ok down there?"

"Yeah, great!" Poe said and then sat up. He had purple leaves in his hair. "Let's do that again!"

The spell was broken after that. All the tension disappeared as Poe and Finn remounted their tauntauns and walked back to the trail side by side, their legs occasionally touching. Poe stretched his neck and groaned - apparently getting thrown 20 feet by a tauntaun didn't come without a few consequences - but otherwise he had a big smile on his face as he patted the silver's neck and murmured encouragement.

They still didn't hold hands, but at least they could look at each other for more than a second. The sight of Poe's smile playing on his lips brought back all those funny flips in Finn's stomach.

Maybe we could just stay here, the thought flit through Finn's mind. Just work with the animals and maybe get Leia to come too, and they could never leave. Forget about the resistance. Forget about everything. But he knew that could never happen, so he just tried to enjoy the momentary reprieve from the suffocating burden of their everyday lives.


End file.
